By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

Does being the center of attention make you a little (or a lot) uncomfortable? As a recovering shy person who didn't dance at my own wedding, I know the feeling well. I've always made the excuse that I had to visit with our out-of-town guests, and I did, but the truth is I chose to spend my time that way because I was too uncomfortable to claim the spotlight.

That was five years ago, and meditating has improved my confidence and social skills by leaps and bounds. When I attend a wedding these days, I can hang with my hip-shaking husband on the dance floor and have fun doing it. I will always be an introvert, though, and I'm still a long way from feeling completely effortless in social settings.

In the meantime, a little idea from Caroline McHugh has made a big impact on my way of being with others. In her fascinating TED Talk, "The Art of Being Yourself," Caroline says,

"I'M NOT THE CENTER OF ATTENTION,YOU ARE THE CENTER OF MINE."

This idea has affected me viscerally and profoundly. When I focus on my appearance, my words, and my impression on others, the entire experience falls flat. I'm not fully present, so I can't fully connect and the best version of me can't shine through. Shifting my attention away from myself and onto someone else - their words, their appearance, and their energy - automatically increases my presence. If I'm focused on them, there's no room to stress about how I look or whether I sound articulate - and without even trying, my most authentic self comes out.

When we devote attention to others, we are effortless with ourselves and enjoy optimal experiences as a result. As a bonus, we become more selfless, and who doesn't want that? So give it a try and enjoy the beautiful irony: the more selfless you are, the more your best self shines through and uplifts others.